this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
