I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
