I just made out with a guy for $7.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
