ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He better not be in your backpack
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
