So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
