Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
