Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
