id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
