i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
