I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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