1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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