Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
