I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
