I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
