I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
