Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
