I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
