what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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