my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
