Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
