life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
