Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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