I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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