He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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