He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
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she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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