You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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