I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
