maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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