Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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