I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize