O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
