I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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