I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
