so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
