The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize