I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
