this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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