Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
