are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
