The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
