just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
