Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
