I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize