If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
