Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
