I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
