im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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