we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
