omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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