In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
