I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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