I am puke
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
