I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Congratulations! We have a period
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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