Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize