There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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