You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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