My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
someone owes me an orgasm
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
