I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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