is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
