i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
