This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
