I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
