Sorry, I don't speak sober.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
