I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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