I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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