Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
