Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
