Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
