I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
