were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
