Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
