This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
