We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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