Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
