He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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