I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
